Baby gets new shoes!
I
finally made it to the shoe store.
Janeen’s friends are kind enough to indulge my need to shop and I manage
to find three pairs of girlie shoes to give my feet some ease and brighten my
day.
After
a day of shopping and talking we attend a local performance of the musical
“South Pacific”. The cast was excellent
and obviously enjoyed themselves during he performance.
I
will stay the night here in the ‘burbs and hopefully head back to the hotel for
some serious rest.
Another Day, another
Doctor…or Back in the Saddle Again
Today
I sleep in. I have no commitments except
an OB/GYN appointment. Might as well get
all my medical needs met while I have the chance.
I
read e-mail, shower, and relish time alone.
It is a short break because tomorrow I will visit Janeen and her friends
in the suburbs.
More breast groping…
Janeen
and I dined at an Ethiopian café today.
This
Following
lunch I made my initial visit to the surgeon who will remove the lump in my
breast. Once again I bare my breasts to
strangers.
Surgery
will take place in a week.
In
the evening we take the metro to the last stop on the line and meet one of
Janeen’s circus band friends. He is a
man with a sense of humor and makes delightful conversation as we eat Chinese
food.
Following
our meal we have a private concert (we attend band rehearsal). I doze shamelessly though the music is
wonderful and very lively. I am just so
very tired from constant activity, late nights and so much stimulation, and of
course the underlying anxiety I seem to suppress…I need some quiet and time
alone, but I love the people I am spending my time with. There are always tradeoffs!
My sister arrives for a
couple days of playtime …
My
big sister Janeen arrives today.
This
is her first experience traveling on a military HOP. She goes first class: somehow she manages to
board a leer jet with a General and a couple other officers.
Janeen
knows how to live. She plays trombone in
the circus band. This after a military
career and law studies. Her example
reminds me that we need to sing and dance.
It is part of gratitude and it simply makes life better! 8-)
Her
trombone is red.
We
visit
We
walk up to the Kennedy resting place and are inspired by the quotes chosen to
mark this site. The view is also
inspirational.
JFK
influenced our Mother in many ways and perhaps because she was so awed by him,
I feel he has effected who I am. As a
Peace Corps trainee, he represents a significant influence to me.
We
take photos and continue to walk. We
leave
A
group of young Marines jogs past us.
They are in formation and make running look beautiful. They chant a jodee that echoes among the
monuments and reminds us what it means to serve.
There
are many ways to serve.
My
feet are aching and I am still sleep-deprived and dazed, but we continue to
walk and talk and stay in the moment.
Tonight I hope to sleep until I wake – no activities tomorrow.
We
visit a few more sites and enjoy seeing a duck nesting under a tree on the edge
of the White House lawn. There is a
small fence around Mama Duck and signs say “Do Not Disturb the Duck”.
The
duck is a local celebrity. During recent
landscaping activities the duck decided to make her nest and lay her eggs in
the mulch under a tree in the midst of the project. Rather than disturb her, the decision was to
let her remain there until the ducklings hatch and can be safely relocated.
A
nice story in a city where laws are made and individuals are sometimes lost in
the shuffle.
Still sleep deprived &
initial appointment with PC nurse..
After
my initial appointment with the PC nurse I continued to enjoy my mother-in-law
and sister-in-laws company until around mid-day when they headed off on the
Metro to the airport. I accompanied them
as far as the
Back
home, my room mate (also from
The death march walk
begins…sightseeing in DC
Of
course I use the term lightly, but we really trekked around the city
today. My feet were bleeding and raw at
days end. I could use more comfortable
walking shoes.
We
enjoyed a wonderful visit to the
Later
we wandered into
Lots
of good conversation and fun.
4 AM trip to the airport…
For
the third night in a row, I am awake at
Actually
this night I did not sleep at all. I was
afraid I would fail to awaken in time for my
We
drive through the dark streets of
The
first leg of the journey takes me to
This
time, I am among the last people to board the plane. The overhead compartments are full and I must
negotiate with people to squeeze my only bag into a compartment far from my
seat.
My
seatmate is a young woman. We begin a
conversation and I do not volunteer much information about my situation or who
I am. Soon I learn she is a medical
student returning from an internship in
With
so many things in common, we talk away many hours. I do not have time to become frightened or
angry at this turn of events that takes me back to the States and makes me miss
training and my spouse.
Still
no sleep.
The
plane lands in DC and since I have only a carry on bag, I have no delays
getting through customs. To my surprise
I see a familiar face smiling at me when I come through the door ahead of the
rest of the crowd. There was Jim S.
waiting to drive me the hotel.
What
a good friend.
He
drove for about ten hours to be here for me.
At
the hotel I find my mother-in-law and sister-in-law waiting for me in the
lobby.
My
arrival feels more like a celebration than the start of a potentially difficult
medical journey.
I
have so much to be grateful for.
A reprise of the blackbird
singing in the dead of night…
Again
I awake at
I
stay in bed and just listen. I do not
sleep. I take pleasure in being next to
my husband. I watch the sky grow lighter
and when Mark wakens, we whisper to one another about life and birdsong and
things that matter.
Mark
says his goodbye to me and goes to his technical training. The PC driver will come for me so I remain
with T. and N. I feel drained from so
little sleep and from the alcohol I ingested the past two nights. I do not indulge in drink like my host family
does, but I participated for a number of reasons. Now I have regrets as my head pounds and
nausea is an issue.
The
PC driver picks me up and drives me into
Shortly
after my fellow trainees depart, I receive a cal from one of them: would I like
to attend the opera? Despite my queasy
stomach and my need for sleep, I accept and hastily change into something more
suitable for a nigh at the opera.
We
saw Madam Butterfly. When I joined the
Peace Corps, I never thought I would be in a beautiful city like
Blackbird singing in the dead
of night…
At
Before
I am truly awake I find myself gazing out the window into the backyard of my
host families’ home. There is a thick
blanket of fresh snow covering everything where just the day before the countryside
was verdant green and spring flowers blossomed.
The
lonely bird continues to sing.
It
is an almost magical scene and I wonder if I really am dreaming.
I
stand gazing out and wonder why this bird sings. I feel like the only one alive on an empty
planet. I wonder who else may hear this
bird’s song. Will it give them
courage?
The
bird sings. It does not know or care
that anyone is listening. It sings
because that is what birds do.
Why
does it sing tonight? Why did I wake to
its song? Why does it give me hope?
I
think of the lyrics to the Beatles song:
Blackbird singing in the dead of
night,
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Blackbird singing in the dead of
night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.
I think about the lump in my breast and what it can mean.
I feel lonely as I listen to the bird and continue to gaze out
at the snow covered hillside. In a
matter of moments my loneliness turns to joy.
I feel a sense of gratitude for this birdsong on this dark night when I
am dealing with fears, disappointments and things unknown.
The unexpected snowfall is a thing of beauty and I consider it a
gift too. The beautiful view of the
snow-covered trees on the hillside and the lake below take my breath away. I am
glad to be alive and glad to have had this nighttime epiphany.
When I crawl back into my warm bed and my husband’s strong arms
embrace me I feel a profound bitter-sweet joy.
Though things do not always unfold in the way we plan, life is
so good.
In the morning I have
language class. I say my goodbyes. We all lunch together at our “favorite”
(ONLY) place in town: a local dive bar where rough and tough locals arrive
early to drink and talk. A heavy spring
rain washes away the snow and floods the streets.
I pack my bag. Though I have little to pack, it takes me a
long time.
Mark has little to say.
In the evening there is once again a special dinner. This time T prepares all my favorite
foods. She takes care of me. She sings to me and calls me sister. Again there are mandatory vodka toasts. We stay up late.
Mark returns from site visit:
hello & then goodbye…
Mark
arrived home from his big adventure in
I
will be medevaced to DC this weekend. I
don’t want to say this goodbye. The plan is for the PC van to pick me up
Saturday afternoon and return me to
It
takes all day to get paperwork done and to finish work related to site visit
and a video project Mark is working on.
We finally metro/bus and walk home arriving at our host families’ home
as the sun sets, the temperature feels bitter and snow flakes begin to drift
down from the sky.
We
delay telling T and N about the trip I will be taking. They are excited to see us and wan to
celebrate our arrival. They have a
beautiful table set and are eager to hear more about our wonderful assignment
to
We
stay cheerful and manage to share lots of information despite our limited
Russian skills. T. is excited about a
surprise she has for me: they are getting me a puppy! He will arrive on 1 May when the family comes
to help celebrate Orthodox Easter and May Day. All my talk about cats and dogs
motivated this sweet gift. So many
delightful plans and I will miss them.
It
feels good to be “home” and I regret that I will have to give them frightening
news.
I
delay telling them until our instructor calls to check on us. I ask her to please relay my news to
them.
The
rest of the evening is a blur. There is
much conversation and there are condolences, reassurances and advice. And there are shots of vodka… T and N are worried and we stay up late
commiserating.
Being
medivaced - not how I imagined my Peace Corps career would go…
I will be medevaced –
It
is certain now; I will fly to DC and spend a few days (maybe weeks) there. I will leave this weekend.
I
get the all expense paid trip to DC for “spring break”. Mark will stay here and continue training
while I get my medical situation resolved.
Diversions as I wait: off to
the bazaar...
I
am waiting – Mark returns Thursday and maybe by then I will have an idea of
what my immediate plans are. I may be in
DC soon. It is too challenging to send
biopsy tests to DC so I may go there for that.
Meanwhile
I have met a couple other PCV who are ere for a couple days so we are off to
the bazaar. Taking the subway here is a
good experience for me – a challenge for my language skills trying to read the
fleeting signs as the train speeds by and the crowds press hard on me to keep
moving.
We
wander the bazaar for a couple hours and then come back to the PC office. Waiting is hard work.
I flash my breasts all over
My
room mate was up, dressed and on her way to the airport by 4 AM. I slept in a bit longer but eventually got up
and made some tea and toast to start my day.
By now my room mate is somewhere over
I
have medical appointments today.
What
an “adventure” this turns into!
Doctor
V. accompanies me on my rounds to he oncology hospital and then to another
facility where I have an ultrasound and then to a third location where I have a
mammogram. (Ohhhhh how I looove getting
a mammogram!)
I
am glad to have a chance to get acquainted with Dr V. He has a delightfully dry sense of humor and
also a wonderful knowledge of life in
It
is good to have someone with me since protocols here are a bit different than
what we come to expect in the
The
information they collect will be sent to PC in
Meanwhile
my husband is getting the big tour of
Artist’s mart, churches,
dogs, prices…
My
room mate and I set out to find the street market so she can purchase a few
souvenirs before her return to the
Enroute we stop for a breakfast of tea and
pastry.
The
artisans market wends its way down a steep cobblestone street from a hill down
behind a beautiful old church. Andrew's
Descent - a thousand-year old street connecting in the days of Kyiv Rus-Ukraine
the Upper part of Kyiv with the Lower . Today it is the Greenwich
Village or the Montmartre of Kyiv filled with art shops and exhibits, cafes,
beauty and charm. Tourism is not really
developed here in Ukraine
On
the corner at the base of the hill the dog-woman guards 25 well-mannered
canines who pose attentively on a blanket spread over the cobblestones. A tin plate with several coins in it is
positioned so passersby can toss in a donation.
The
dogs are well behaved. They are quiet
and sit very still as if posing for a painting.
There is a sign written in Ukrainian scrip detailing information about
them.
We
continue our trek, exploring many side streets around the area. We put scarves over our heads and enter a
Ukrainian Orthodox Church and watch as others light candles for people and say
prayers.
We
walk down the elegant main street of
Cold rains, a tour of
The
dawn breaks, but it is not obvious because rain is falling. We pack our things and feel the temperature
dropping outside. Yesterday the sky was
blue and it was warm and inviting outside.
Today it is cold and wet and gray.
Mark
will leave for the site visit to
Since
Mark’s train does not leave until late in the day a tour has been
arranged. We pile into the van with the
coordinators and trainees who are also leaving later in the day. I accompany the tour and will be dropped off
at the Peace Corps office when they head for the train station.
The
city sites are beautiful, even in the chilling drizzle. We see many brides at various monuments where
they pose with their new husbands and toss their bouquets or leave them as a
tribute to unknown soldiers or famous poets.
The rain does not seem to bother them.
Cameras flash and smiles flash.
The couples and their friends and family drink champagne and laugh.
Our
coordinator points at a couple brides and indicates they may be pregnant. Some things are the same everywhere.
There
is a saying in
I
know he will be worried as he whiles away the long hours on this trip. He will be on the train almost 24 hours one
way and another 24 hours when he returns next Thursday.
I
sit in the Peace Corps office on this Saturday night and read my e-mail. There are many volunteers here and it is a
chance to become acquainted with others and to learn more about what I can
expect from my assignment here in
Across
the room I notice one of the volunteers is logged onto my website and is
actually reading my Ukraine Journal. My
first instinct is to walk over and introduce myself, but I quickly reconsider
and decide to just let him read. It
feels funny to remain anonymous while someone reads my thoughts.
I
decide to take a shower and call it a night.
I
soon find I have a roommate. She is a
trainee from my training group who has decided to return stateside rather than
continue with her Peace Corps commitment.
We talk. I can see this is no
easy decision for her.
After
while we turn out the lights and sleep.
A visit to the doctor…
I
was whisked off to the office of our dedicated medical staff this morning. After some discussion they determined I
should probably head back to the
Arrangements
are made for me to be looked at by a local physician, have an ultra-sound and a
mammogram. The results will be sent to
It
is too late today to have this work done so I return to the conference and
rejoin my group as they prepare for their site visit.
Word
is out that something is wrong and I receive a few discreet hugs and comforting
whispers as I go through the afternoon workshops and the evening activities.
There
is a bonfire by the river tonight. We
linger by the fire. We talk and
sing. People drink beer. Mark and I sip champagne. The Ukrainian staff joins us by the
fire. They are pleased to see Americans
enjoying an activity they also enjoy.
Spring is in the air, the moon is bright, it is a beautiful evening.
Hot Water & a Lump/Bump
in the Road…
We
awoke early in the sun filled room at the sanatorium where the Coordinator’s
Conference continues today. After the
recent cold snap, it is wonderful to see the sun and feel the warmth and
promise of spring again. There is still
snow hidden deep under bushes and trees, but singing birds and blue skies are a
promise for the future.
I
made a rather frightening discovery as I lingered in bed this morning. There is a rather large lump in my left
breast. I decided to keep silent about
this discovery for at least a little while and made my way into the shower
where I was delighted to find that hot water was available for early
risers. After a luxurious shower I got
dressed and headed down to breakfast with Mark.
I kept my discovery quiet and decided to share it later in the day when
we had time to discuss things.
The
busy day unfolded day. The training
staff provided many workshops and opportunities to learn new skills. We also spent time getting acquainted with
our coordinators.
Our
Coordinator is also the director of the library system will be working in. She has a sister here in
Throughout
the day, my mind kept returning to the small lump in my breast. When Mark and I were finally alone late in
the day I decided to share this news with him.
Within minutes he was downstairs using the phone to contact the medical
folks at headquarters in
Hot Showers & Site
Assignments – Hopes Dashed & Dreams Come True…
The
excitement for today is taking a hot shower; when we wake at our host family’s
home this morning that is the topic of conversation. We are more fortunate than many of the people
in our training group because we do have indoor plumbing and hot water
available, but our bathing and toilet arrangements are far from ideal. Privacy issues and standards are different
from what most Americans are accustomed to.
Today
we will arrive at the sanatorium where our Coordinators Conference will take
place. We will have a bright, airy room
in a Soviet era sanatorium on the banks of the
But
first we must make the journey. We took
the early train to
The
conference day is well organized and filled with workshops and opportunities to
share and learn. The hot shower dreams
must wait until the work of the day is done.
The
major excitement of the day is site announcement. We are all eager to learn where we will each
serve for the next two years and three months.
All we really know is that we will all be boarding trains or busses on
Saturday to head off on our site visits.
Anticipation is the word of the day.
We are delighted to discover we are
assigned to a library situated in the beautiful and ancient city of
Our
location is somewhat less glamorous than those on the tourist track and more
isolated, but delightful nonetheless. It
was a closed city during the Soviet ere and was the home of a Russian military
installation. (
The Crimean
peninsula is a small
mountainous area. Catherine the Great called
it " … the MAIN PEARL in the Russian empire crown".
The
It
is a long train ride to the location – 24 hours of bouncing along on the
train! We will be a couple hours away
from the nearest PCV.
My
job will be in the children’s library.
Mark will work in the resource center at the adult library. I am delighted.
After
a long day and evening of “work” we spend a little time socializing with
others. Mark plays cards and I
visit. Finally at around
Perhaps
there will be hot water tomorrow.
Perhaps they turn off the hot water for the season when they turn off
the heat for the season. These are facts
of life in this part of the world where some of the simple pleasures of life in
Despite
the disappointment over hot showers we enjoyed the day and look forward to
several days of camaraderie and training.
The euphoria over our future posting site distracts us from the
disappointment. Dreams of
Helpful people…
People
in
Mark
had typed up his introductory remarks in his own version of Russian. When the gentleman who volunteered to help us
get the file printed caught a glance at the content, he took it upon himself to
re-write the whole narrative. With
considerable giggling and snorting, the staff at the hardware store rewrote
Mark’s introductory remarks for him.
About halfway through, I am pretty sure the gentleman typing wished he
had not undertaken this particular challenge, but he never-the-less hung in
there till the end.
It
was a pretty funny experience. Later in
the day we returned with a half-kilo of chocolates to reward our dedicated
staff of local Ukrainians who helped us with our project. Team work is big here.
It
is time to begin packing our bags for our coordinator’s conference – we will be
on the Wednesday morning train and in a few days, we will be in our future
home, exploring the community and making plans for our life there…
We
will be gone about 9 days…rumor has it we may be heading south… We shall see… Check back later for more
adventures…
Train-training & Miss Zoë’s
big turkey dinner…
By
Our
classmates arrive and our teacher, usually very prompt, rushes up, just in time
to purchase a ticket and board the bus with us.
Today’s lesson: the vocabulary for taking the train.
It
is about an hour ride to
Seventy
kilometers later we step off the bus and head underground to the metro. I am glad I have experience traveling on the
subway, because the Ukrainian metro at morning rush hour is no place for an
amateur. This is no place for someone
uncomfortable around people or indecisive.
You must move forward and be prepared to protect your own space against
outsiders.
The
metro stations in
For
those, like me, who must sound out every word before I can take in the meaning
of any sign, it is a major challenge to get my bearings. I am amazed at the speed with which people
move forward. I try to stop and regroup,
but I find that those who stop seem to be simply dragged along with the people
who know how to manage the metro system.
I let myself move forward. I
feel, somehow, that I am in a film. The
dirge-like music and the dim lighting reinforce that feeling.
Being
in a foreign environment is a good opportunity to practice Zen-like
notions. I mentally step back and
observe. I like the sense that I am
watching a film.
When
the car stops we are belched forth. It
is obvious we have arrived at the train station. Pushing, shoving passengers carry luggage and
those waiting to board are also loaded down with bags. We step out on the platform and walk toward
the train station, moved forward by the momentum of the crowds. Musicians play sweet songs and vendors try to
sell us things as we make our way up toward the train station.
Our
lesson for the day is to learn all we can about how the train station manages
all the demands on it. On Wednesday,
most of us will be heading away from the city to visit our future homes. We will spend many hours on the Ukrainian
train system juggling the challenges of language and the logistics of travel
and the excitement of life.
I
have traveled by train to
As
in other areas, there is a mix of modern technology and tradition in the entire
railroad experience. In a few short
days, I will be traveling on one of these trains as we make our way to our new
home for our initial site visit.
One
of the major challenges for those of us in our training group is that signs and
announcements are made in Ukrainian rather than Russian. We must master many new words in order to
feel comfortable traveling. It is a
humbling experience, but we watch and listen intently as our instructor coaches
us on our lessons.
Once
our lessons at the train station are behind us, we adjourn for lunch and then
head to the PC office where we can check our e-mail. Mark and I catch the eye of the PC’s vigilant
nurse who tracks us down and administers the last of our required shots as we
wait for a free computer terminal. Now
when we travel to our coordinators conference we will not have to undergo
shots.
The
walk from the subway stop to the PC HQ is wet and cold. We are glad to arrive. We spend some time visiting with other
volunteers who are in town for one reason or another. After some time on the keyboard, we head back
to the metro and catch the marchutka back to our village.
We
updated our journals, but reading e-mail and answering it was challenging. It has been about nine days since we read
e-mail and I anticipated sending answers today to the mail I read many days
ago. Unfortunately the addresses are not
available and there were other problems so something that should be simple,
became a sense of frustration. I am able
to stay pretty calm about everything, but I must admit, I do get sad and
frustrated when I cannot touch bases on via e-mail. These lessons are character building for
me. I do look forward to hearing from
family and friends….
I
did get an e-mail from friend-Martha regarding Miss Zoë. I am sorry to report that our dog managed to
catch Mr. Strut (the resident turkey who now seems to be part of the big turkey
dinner…) so now Miss Z. has relocated to a Marty’s farm. She seems to be adjusting well to life at the
horse farm. The horses and donkeys keep
her in line. Martha says Miss Z even
comes when she is called now. Siberian
Huskies are not noted for that kind of behavior. I am grateful she is adjusting well and it
pleases me that she can have more freedom.
I am most grateful to Marty and Pat for allowing Miss Z. and Bubba to
stay with them. I miss them very much.
We
left the house early Sunday and headed over to the bazaar. K. is the regional market so people from all
over the oblast arrive to shop or sell. Now that the weather is so pleasant, the town
is crowded on Sunday mornings.
I planned to find a pair of suitable spring shoes and so, it seems, did everyone else! It is fashionable to wear shoes with very pointed toes. Popular women’s shoes are also usually high heels; too much drama for my taste. I did not find anything suitable for myself.